Overcoming Personal Fears
Everyone has their own personal beliefs about relationships. Some women, for example, believe that you cannot trust men. Some men believe that women only want a man who has money. Others believe that the only reason men date is to for sex. What are your beliefs about relationships? Do you believe that relationships can be good? Do you believe that men/women are trustworthy? How are these beliefs affecting you and your relationships? If you take some time to answer these questions, you will understand a lot more about yourself and how your beliefs may be sabotaging your dating life.
Dating With Confidence
This may come as a surprise, but dating with confidence doesn?t always come from our looks, our body or what we are wearing. The most attractive men and women often have limited relationship skills and struggle with low-self worth. In order to date with confidence, we must believe in ourselves. We must have confidence that we are good people. Dating success comes from within ourselves, NOT from a false impression that others see. For example, you could own a beautiful BMW, but if the engine isn?t working, you aren?t going to get too far down the road. The same holds true in dating: you could have everything going for you -- good looks, nice personality, a flashy smile -- but without confidence in yourself, you aren?t going to get very far.
Dating With Confidence Part V
People who date with confidence have one trait that stands out above all others: they love. They have a genuine love and compassion for all people. Think about the people you know who are successful at dating; typically they make others feel better about themselves when they are together. The general rule is this: You cannot hurt others and feel good about yourself. Conversely, when you lift others up, you feel better about yourself. When we truly love others, we are most likely to have confidence in ourselves. Love others and you will have more confidence in your dating skills.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Saying "I love you" is a simple thing. But relationships advance as love is shown, not just spoken in words. If you want to express love to your dating partner, display your feelings in acts of kindness, going out of your way to show that you care, being patient, and being gentle. Remember, if someone is trying to decide if you really love them, they will probably judge your actions more so than what you say. And showing someone you love them is a pleasure for both of you!
Deepening Your Relationship
To take your relationship to that next level, you and your partner have to give each other more than just love and affection; you have to encourage your growth and development. Ask yourself the following questions: 1) How have you and your partner responded to stress in your relationship? It is under stress that we get to see the true colors of the person we are dating. 2) Does you partner encourage your personal development and growth? Can you develop your skills and talents or does your dating partner limit what you can do? 3) Do you find that you can share everything with each other? Growth in a relationship demands that we share ourselves with the people we are dating. 4) Can you laugh with each other and at each other's mistakes without offense being taken? Couples who grow together enjoy each others strengths and weaknesses.
Why Do You Want To Date Me?
Have you ever asked someone why they are dating you? If you haven?t, you might want to start. It will tell you many things about them. You will learn what they like about you. You will also learn what the person you are dating values in relationships. If they like your personality and the way you make them laugh, then you know what they would want you do to more of if your relationship became more serious. In reality, by asking someone why they are dating you, you are gathering more information about them and learning what they like at the same time. If you like their response your relationship will probably grow. If you don?t like their response, you don?t have to waste time dating someone who doesn?t like you for the right reasons.
Dating With Confidence Part II
Dating with confidence requires the following personal actions: 1. Believe in yourself. People who are confident in themselves typically draw a crowd. They are people who others simply want to be around. 2. Lift others up. People who lift others up feel free to be themselves. 3. Deal with personal issues that limit your ability to connect with others. We cannot develop good relationships until we deal with our fears. 4. Be happy. Happy people attract others. They joke around without putting others down. They find humor in small things. 5. Love others. It is easy to date with confidence when you see the people you date as individuals with tremendous worth.
Getting Close To Others
Many people find themselves drifting in and out of relationships, and yet they still feel like they aren?t close to anyone. It is easy to kiss and make out, and yet they discover that the physical part of the relationship is not fulfilling. To avoid this pitfall, consider the following tips: 1. Don?t focus on the physical part of the relationship first. If you wait and develop the other areas, you will be surprised at how easy and right the physical part comes. 2. Develop trust; any relationship without trust won?t last. 3. Communicate to solve problems. Conflict resolution is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship. 4. Be committed to each other. This is demonstrated over time and cannot be rushed. 5. If two people are committed to each other, they will find more peace and comfort when they are apart from each other. These are a few suggestions to help you develop a deep and close relationship with others.
Saying What Your Really Want To Say
Do you often find your foot in your mouth when you're talking to someone you really like? You are not alone. Lots of people get tongue-tied in romantic situations. Try these suggestions to loosen those knots! 1. Plan to make a few mistakes, and when you make a mistake, don?t focus on it. 2. Don?t overtalk. Most people make their biggest mistakes by saying more than they should. 3. If you don?t know what you want to say, take some time to evaluate. Many people say things before they process how they really feel. 4. If you really like someone, tell them. There is nothing wrong with being open and honest with someone. If they are worth your time, they will either respond in a positive manner or they will politely decline your offer.
The Art of Giving
When you love someone, you want to give them everything you have...and sometimes things that you can't afford to give. Remember, there are many things you can give that cost only your time and effort, and those are often the things that mean the most. For example, go out of your way to spend extra time with your partner. Give him/her a small gift for no specific reason. Resolve to say only positive things to your partner for a week. Do something for your partner that he/she is not expecting, or give him/her a compliment in public. These gifts cost little but will be appreciated beyond words.
Beyond Attraction
Attraction is very important in every dating relationship; in fact, most individuals say that attraction is the reason they sought out their dating partner for the first date. But once attraction has been established, other key factors come into play. Consider the following questions. Does this person talk openly with me? Can I share my thoughts with him/her? Does he/she care about what I am doing? Does this person respect me and my desires? Does this person push me to do things I am uncomfortable with? Remember, attraction is only one of many elements of a successful relationship. Make sure your relationship has more than just attraction to survive.
Dating With Confidence Part III
So, what are characteristics of people who date with confidence? Before you read any further, take five minutes and write down the characteristics of people you know who are simply confident. (The lists will be oddly similar): 1. They have the ability to see others strengths. 2. They believe in the goodness of others. 3. They have personal goals and aspirations and work to achieve them. 4. They connect with others--have good relationships with many people. 5. They aren?t afraid to meet new people. 6. They enjoy life. 7. They develop personal skills and talents. 8. They NEVER put others down for a win for themself. 9. They serve others. 10. They have values. 11. They have integrity (they are honest and truthful with all people). 12. They affirm the worth of others. 13. They allow others to make choices without imposing their personal beliefs on others. 14. They believe in their own ability to make good decisions.
Love
Dr. Leo Buscaglia in his book wrote, "I see people who are always saying, ?I?m in love, I?m in love, I?m in love. I really believe in love. I act the part.? And then they shout at the waitress, ?Where?s the water?!? I will believe your love when you show it to me in action. When you can understand that everybody is teaching everybody to love every moment. And when you ask yourself, 'Am I the best teacher,' and if your answer is 'Yes'--great. Go around--listen to how many times a day you say, 'I love,' instead of 'I hate.' Isn?t it interesting that children, as they learn the process of language, always learn the word 'no' years before they learn the word 'yes'? Ask linguists where they hear it. Maybe if they heard more of 'I love, I love, I love,' they?d say it sooner and more often."
Dating With Confidence Part IV
Dating with confidence begins within ourselves. In order for us to be more confident, we must deal with the individual fears and worries that prevent us from getting close to others with this process: 1. Identify your own issues: what fears do you have about dating? What things do you do that you wish you didn?t? 2. Once you have identified your issues, write them down and evaluate where these fears or behaviors come from. Where did you learn these fears or behaviors? Do you believe you can change these behaviors? 3. List the times you have overcome the fears or behaviors you listed in Step 2. Remember those times and write them down. What were you doing when you were able to overcome those fears or behaviors? 4. Create a game plan to help you for the next time you start feeling the negative fears or start doing the negative behaviors (e.g. not wanting to talk to others, saying something you didn?t want to). 5. If the steps above do not work, take some time to figure out why. What is really preventing you from being more confident? Take this question seriously and write down your thoughts.